If you can hear every creak of the bed and the sound of skin rubbing on skin, you might be doing it wrong. Housemates be damned.
But while we generally know that total silence during sex is not a great idea (we do know that, right? Please don’t be pin-drop silent. It’s very disconcerting), attempts to fill that silence can be daunting.
Do you let out a moan? Do you do some heavy breathing? Would it be ridiculous to throw out a ‘you like that?’ or an ‘oh yeah’?
The person you’re having sex with asking you to talk dirty just piles on the pressure. How dirty is acceptable? What’s a sexy word for vagina?
It’s handy to have a couple of phrases in your back pocket you can pull out with confidence.
So to help you along in these moments of crisis, a recent survey of 5,000 adults by Forktip went ahead and asked straight women what they’d like a male partner to say in bed.
The top answer: Making her call him ‘daddy’. The runners up were telling her how tight her vagina is, and telling her how much he’s enjoying himself.
Now, it’s important to note that this is a study of 5,000 people, and what the average of 5,000 people like is not indicative of what everyone likes. It’s also very possible that those surveyed chose from a restrictive list of options, or that they held back on sharing what they’d really like their partner to say because they were worried about being weird.
What women want guys to say during sex, according to Forktip:
- Makes me call him daddy
- Tells me how tight it is
- Tells me how much he’s enjoying it
I did a quick poll of women I know, and had varied responses to ‘what would you like a guy to say during sex?’
Some were incredibly turned on by the ‘call me daddy’ thing, while others found it absolutely repulsive.
‘If a guy asked me to call him daddy, I’d kick him in the balls,’ said Abby*, 24.
So it’s a bit of a gamble to try the daddy play if you’re not 100% sure what your partner is into.
Many of the women I asked said they like being called ‘slut’, ‘whore’, and ‘bitch’ in bed, which a few of them felt was concerning. It’s not, FYI. Wanting the dirty talk to get rough is common, and it doesn’t mean you want that kind of disrespect outside of the sexual setting. It’s part of being sexually submissive, and enjoying it when a partner takes control.
Others preferred no dirty talk at all, while some said they’d take ANYTHING over silence.
Molly, 27, told us she can’t really think of what she’d want someone to say in bed, but knows that anything rude, racial, or babying is entirely off limits.
Five of the women I asked said that while they’d like more dirty talk, they don’t currently feel comfortable asking for it in bed.
‘I’m sure that if I tell my boyfriend that I want to be called a filthy slut he’ll read into it,’ said Nicola, 27. ‘He’s really respectful so anything like that would be out of his comfort zone.’
So, here’s our proposal.
If you’re keen to make more noise in the bedroom, you need to make sure that your sexual relationship is one in which neither party feels judged for their preferences, and when both feels able to try things out.
If that’s not the case for your relationship, talk through things with your partner. Explore your fears and worries. Work on getting to a point where you’re both comfortable asking for what you want.
Once you’ve reached that point, you’ll be able to test the waters. Ask your partner to call you daddy. If she’s not into it, she’ll say so, and it won’t be a big deal. Or she’ll f***ing love it and you’ll be having incredible sex.
We say it all the time, but it bears repeating: Everyone’s different, everyone has their own specific sexual desires and needs, and the best route to finding out what your partner likes is to ask them, rather than relying on averages from surveys or anecdotes from your mates.