What to do when your ex gets with someone new
It’s always soul-destroying when you see your ex has moved on.
Regardless of whether you broke it off or if you’d completely stopped thinking about them, there’s still that irrational sting that comes with feeling like you have now been replaced.
This happened to me not long ago, and it’s safe to say I acted like a total tool. Despite the fact that I’d left things with him because I wasn’t ready for a relationship, I became super jealous seeing him with someone else.
He deserved to be happy, and I genuinely wanted the best for them, but as soon as an Insta post popped up of them together, I was automatically upset. There were a few reasons for this:
- They were going on dates that we were supposed to go on. Okay, I refused to visit museums together because I think they’re too ‘coupley’. But that doesn’t mean you can get a National Trust pass for two as soon as I leave.
- She has the same name as me. How could she copy me like that?!
- The new GF is actually very beautiful and cool, and will probably be famous one day. I regularly eat expired food and consider tweezing ingrown hairs one of my interesting hobbies.
Something had to be done. So, I created an action plan to rid myself of those stupid, stupid feelings.
Take away the temptation
You know you’re going to drunk text them if you have their number. You know their Facebook posts will make you cry in Tesco. You know that bumping into them IRL will never ever end well.
Take yourself out of any situation where you might see or hear from them until you know you’re ready to be trusted with that responsibility.
That doesn’t necessarily mean blocking them on all social media, just unfollowing and deleting numbers. That’ll remove any unexpected reminders on your timeline.
And, if you need to take a longer route to work to ensure you won’t see them? Just appreciate the extra exercise and walk a different way for your own sake.
Don’t try to one-up them
Rebounding is something you might try to do for a variety of reasons. But please don’t try to do it so you ‘win’ the race of who did better.
For one, you’re playing with the heart of whoever you’re rebounding with, and that’s not fair. Also, you may think taking a million photos with your stunning model girlfriend makes you look good, but it’s not exactly subtle, and usually has the exact opposite effect.
Avoid looking thirsty, and keep your dignity by keeping anyone new private.
Stop comparing yourself
We’ve all fallen victim to asking ourselves what they have that we don’t. Where has that ever got any of us?
Remember that they were with you for a reason, and no matter how badly it ended, there will have been good times.
Comparing yourself to anyone is a very dangerous self-loathing spiral, especially when love and relationships are involved. Stay away from stalking the new person so you don’t know too much about them.
If your mutual friends insist on filling you in anyway, keep in mind that nobody’s perfect, and you’re only getting the highlight reel of their qualities.
You are two completely different people, so pay no mind to what they’re doing.
Make a list
On the flip-side of this, it’s important to think about why you stopped seeing each other.
Are they a selfish lover? Good luck to the new girl trying to get him to go downtown.
Were they rude to waiters? That’s a treat waiting for their new partner to experience.
Make a list of things you’re happy to see the back of, and keep it somewhere safe. It’s not about hoarding negative emotions, just about having some perspective and realising that it wasn’t always rosy with your ex.
Don’t get bitter, get better
Instead of letting all of this send you into a meltdown, channel those feelings of jealousy into positive changes.
Don’t do things because your ex might see them, but because you’re making yourself a more rounded person. Maybe that means taking a new gym class or asking your boss for that long-awaited promotion.
Whatever you do, just stay away from the hairdresser. The break-up makeover is the oldest trick in the book. Yes, they will notice your new ‘do; no, they don’t think your shaved head is ‘quirky’; and of course, you will regret it.